I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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