Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
