just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I need moral support for this bender
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
