Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
