There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
