I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
