While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
