Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
