Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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