I'm sorry my penis didn't work
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
