hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
