have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I can text with my tongue
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
