You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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