What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
