I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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