How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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