1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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