bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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