This girl is more easily done than said...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
