For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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