You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
