Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
