kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she peed on how many people?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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