It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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