life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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