We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
