She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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