Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
