3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have grass duct taped all over my body
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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