On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
