fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
