Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
