Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
