His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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