he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just gargled with NyQuil
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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