I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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