Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
