I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
