dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
where are you?
Hypothermia
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
