the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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