garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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