piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
