fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
