Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
