he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
