NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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