I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's blow job season.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
