I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
