I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
