Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
