Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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