I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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