glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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