I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You ruined the universe
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