I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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