My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
