She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
