forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
