She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
