What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize