tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
