Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
