i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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