Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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