dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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