if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
