they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
