i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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